Maybe

One of the first words kids learn is No. No! becomes the favorite of many a two year old, three year old…sixteen year old. The word No (followed closely by Why) is a tool that children use to fix their mistakes, and hide their fears…and can be fighting words for us Mothers.

The tables turn however when children start asking questions of their own.
I have been thinking a lot about my own use of the word No with my kids. “Mom, can we eat out tonight”? No! “Mom, can I take the car?” No! “Mom, can we have ice cream for dinner?” No! This list could go on and on. No has always been the most comfortable answer to most any question that comes out of the mouth of my children. This has been true whether they’ve been 2 or 21.

No means they are eating a healthy diet, No means they are safe at home. No means they are not spending my money, hanging out with friends that could negatively influence them, or other general disasters that only a Mother can dream up.

The most difficult word for me is Yes. Yes comes with worry. Yes comes with responsibility and unfamiliar territory. Yes means loosening control with unknown consequences. Yes means nervous tics, jagged fingernails and wearing a path in the carpet from miles of floor pacing. Yes equals risks.

Mom, can I have the car tonight? Mom, can I drive to Cincinnati? Mom, can I go camping in Arkansas? Mom, can I go canoeing with these 6 people you’ve never met, but you trust my judgment of character and driving ability to get there safely, we’re spending the night camping with nothing between me and the outdoors other than paper thin tent walls, with no sleeping bag, and oh, by the way my cell phone may not work since we will be in the middle of the woods, where by the way, no one would ever hear me scream for help if I needed them!?

Indeed, I struggle with Yes. I have to laugh at myself because in all reality, if my kids were all at home, reading a stimulating novel in their rooms, I would be at my happiest. You want to meet interesting people? Go read Stargirl. You want excitement? Pick up a copy of Holes. You stay safely tucked inside and leave Huck Finn to drift down the river.

Friends have calmed me, reasoned with me, and bought me drinks, after Yes has won its battle. The thing is, I know that saying Yes is more important than saying No. Saying Yes broadens their experience and creates memories that will last them a lifetime.

From the first time I gently unwrapped their hand from my finger and let them take their first step, I was saying Yes. Running along side them and finally letting go of the bicycle seat, as they pedaled along on their own, risking a skinned knee, I was saying Yes.

These are the small steps that prepare us to say Yes to the bigger things in life.
I doubt Yes will ever come without the “what ifs” that play through this Mother's mind.
I doubt I will ever be completely comfortable having my children roaming this earth without their hand tucked safely in mine. But I will listen with excitement, and relief, as they retell their adventures from the protection of the four walls of our home.